It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
