waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
