She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Randomize
