How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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