I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
