It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
