420 ftw
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize