Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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