I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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