it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Well I just put wine in my tea
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
