i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
