If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
