i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
