I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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