Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
