Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
