Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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