i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
