Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
