i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
