so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize