No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
