I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
My pussy is not your playground.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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