Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
