i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
