He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
