GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
