So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
