I have demons in me.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
