we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
