I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
