oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
