Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize