where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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