just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
