yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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