Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
do herpes really smell.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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