I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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