I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
We need to rekindle our bromance
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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