Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
