thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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