She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
