You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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