I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
