Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
