I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm getting married
To pizza
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
