I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
