Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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