dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
