if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
