I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
