First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
