i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Randomize
