forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
honey bunches of taint.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
