I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
