So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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