We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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