the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
