I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize