I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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