so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I need to sanitize my soul.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
