My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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