Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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