I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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