This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Randomize
