I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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