: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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