omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
It's blow job season.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
