i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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