my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
