You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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