two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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