I have demons in me.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
