1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I need help removing her.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
