He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
