If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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