I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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