i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
my poor anus
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
