there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
