I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
