i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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