i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
