I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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