I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
