how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I look better un-naked...
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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