turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
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