margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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