Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
