Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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