I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
