just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
