Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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