Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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