yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
