I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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