stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize