You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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