Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Randomize
