I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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