My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
