we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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