we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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