we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
