I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I think my vagina is haunted
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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