He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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